Ode to a Hallmark Holiday


Wherein Our Heroine Considers the Significance of the Middle of February.
I used to be the self-styled Grinch of Valentine's Day. I was, of course, single at the time. I told myself that my bitterness was rooted in the commercialization of love, the artificiality of singling out one day out of one month (and my least favorite month at that) for celebrating relationships.

I also hated the fact that Valentine's Day made me feel like a spare part in the machine of society. There was no use for a single person in this day of couple-ness. Work colleagues received flowers, talked about how they would celebrate. They had flowers and dinner out: I had my normal routine. I resented that my normal single-person routine, my life and all of the choices I had made, were somehow considered tragic on this day devoted to non-singles.

Worst of all, my single state on this day made me feel like a wallflower at a high school dance: alone, unchosen and unwanted, standing on the sidelines and watching the more fortunate pairs. I reminded myself from sunup to sundown on February 14 that this was my life, these were my choices and I was fortunate in many ways. It helped, but not completely.

Now that I am happily married, I am still in some ways the Grinch. I still dislike the holiday for every reason I outlined. Additionally, like so many experiences which are stretched too far, Valentine's Day in all of its glory is too much for the senses. Too many clashing pinks and reds mixed with an overdose of sugar, tawdry love songs and the heavy scent of hothouse-forced flowers can overwhelm the the senses of the hardiest romantic.

But I have also found a small corner of the experience to like and appreciate, especially for those in long-term love. You can be reminded of the small things you once did when love was new and you treated one another as precious. The cup of coffee, brought without asking. Helping with a coat. The small ritual of holding a door. Even with the best of intentions, these small gestures fall away over time, as new love becomes the enduring love of the workaday world.

So, Valentine's Day doesn't need to be a big, commercial holiday. A grand gesture once a year is easy. Small, daily observances of consideration are more difficult, but they can begin again on February 14.
Posted: Saturday - February 14, 2004 at 04:54 AM         | |

©