What Did He Know and When Did He Know It?
Wherein Our
Heroine Contemplates Canine Emissions.
Dateline: Three o'clock this morning,
Our House. We were awakened by one of the worst sounds a pet owner can hear at
that hour. As such, I can report back to my Dear Readers that rising from a
sound sleep to clean up dog barf is not a marital bonding experience for either
party. The dog didn't seem too enthused about it
either.
Is there a scientific
study out there that proves once and for all that an animal who is retching will
actively choose a carpeted area to do the retching on? I have seen cats spring
from easily cleaned hardwood or tile, in order to be sure that they deposit
their payload on hard-to-clean carpet. I'm just asking.
Mopping up random bodily
fluids is one of the dark facets of pet ownership. That critter looks cute,
plucking your heartstrings with innate virtuosity and skill. No vile thing
could ever emerge from this fuzzy bundle of joy. You bring it home. The
cleanup begins. When Mac was a puppy and in the process of being house-trained,
my mother called on one particularly frazzled evening. "What's wrong?" she
asked, clearly hearing in my voice the tones of a woman who is about to be
carted off to the maximum security ward in the local hospital for the
insane.
"The dog has peed
and
pooped in the house today.
Both."
From high atop the
ladder where John was painting, he quipped, "If he barfs, he gets a hat
trick."
As to why the dog was
suddenly ill in the middle of the night, I believe it is one or more of three
things: 1.) he appears to have consumed a pine needle, which was resistant to
his digestive process, 2.) he has actually learned to read and read the Taguba
Report, or 3.) he read today's Random Thing and wanted to make sure all future
canine postings included him.
Whichever it is, he's not
telling.
Posted: Monday - May 10, 2004 at 08:05 AM
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