Whole, and Nothing But


Wherein Our Heroine Visits a Pet Peeve.
You think you're so holy and truthful, but really it's only abominable conceit.

-- E.M. Forster, A Room With a View


A friend's LiveJournal reminded me of the quote above. My friend was recently on the receiving end of some cutting criticism, delivered under the label of "brutal honesty." How reassuring that is - to get smacked in the head in the name of friendship so pure it can withstand any blow! How delightful to know that my friend's Upholder of Truth believes that the bonds of their relationship are strong enough that he might spare himself any concern for the feelings of his fellow man!

The truth is a fine and honorable goal. I believe in truthfulness and honor. But I have also seen some who tell themselves that their reverence for the truth gives them license to kick others when they are down. Perhaps I am not being charitable when I say (quite truthfully) I believe that these people value petty sadism above honesty. Or perhaps they are just lazy. It may be easier to say, "You look like hell," rather than inquire if someone is feeling well. Notice that the statement, "You look like hell," might indicate that the person making the statement is concerned for the welfare of the hagridden recipient. It might also represent a cheap scoring-off of someone who's eyes have clearly packed for a long vacation. But if you care for the recipient of the comment, why put them in the position of guessing what your intention might be? If you care for them, you take the time to phrase the same sentiment a bit more gently.

If I have my suspicions about the hurtful/"Truthful" people, I have my reasons. I was once in a relationship with someone who clearly thought that communication was a game, played along similar lines to the rules of cross-examination in a court. If you were not clever enough to catch that your question had not been answered quite in the way it was phrased, he had by his own narrow definition not "lied." Did it matter that trust, caring, and decency went out the window? No, the one god was Truth, and Truth reigned supreme.

I would just like to go on record that I believe such people are infantile, petty, toxic jerks. What's the matter? I'm just being honest.
Posted: Monday - May 02, 2005 at 08:15 AM         | |

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