Holding Pattern
Wherein Our
Heroine Tries Her Best.
I am pretty sure I have mentioned before
that waiting patiently is not my strong suit. Patience in general has not been
my strong suit, though Yoga has helped a whole heck of a lot with
that.
The problem with
improving in this sort of area is you rarely get credit for it. It is easier to
recognize a thing than to perceive the absence of a thing, and when you gain
greater forbearance, its outward manifestation is not perceived as an increase
in calm or gravitas, but a decrease in snits and outbursts of temper. So,
labors of patience and its ilk tend to go unremarked-upon, even by those who
know to brace for an explosion in certain
instances.
Constant testing
with no end in sight also peels away those layers of self-control that you have
built up around you. It has been a year of testing that patience, of waiting,
of trying and falling short. A year. I never thought it would get to a year.
There is something very, very
big
about a year. The year has held some backsliding, some squaring of the
shoulders, and a lot of efforts at improvement and forward motion. But it has
been a
year.
I
would not go back, though. I would not change what I did and I still believe
that this path will lead me to something better.
Posted: Tuesday - January 11, 2005 at 08:56 AM
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