On Being a "Recovering Attorney"


Wherein Our Heroine Explains Herself.
As I note in my FAQ, I am a "recovering attorney." Admittedly, this is a pretty lame joke, but the mild humor is usually enough to deflect someone who is hellbent on finding out why on Earth you would "throw three years of your life away on training you don't use." The fact is, I use the training: I just don't use the licenses. The fact that I am not a slave to the Unholy Billable Hour and do not have to enter an ulcer-inducing courtroom more than make up for any pain I might feel over not using "Esq." after my name. (And it has been quite painless so far, thank you.)

However, having professional training in a specific field can net you some strange expectations. As I go about my daily job-search, I get the occasional question, "Have you ever thought about returning to the [practice of] law?" This, to me, is a bizarre question. Considering the fact that many people cling to the misconception that the study of law is comprised of memorizing the U.S. Code, as well as any state codes you happen to feel would be useful, this is a really strange question. My memory - anyone's memory - is just not that good. (It was never good enough to memorize the U.S. Code, either, but that's another essay.)

The fact is, I have not practiced law in ten years. The only time I did practice, I was doing a one-semester stint in the domestic legal clinic of my law school. For those unfamiliar with the concept of a legal clinic, this is the lawyerly equivalent of driving school. You may be the one with your hands on the wheel, but you always have a supervising attorney next to you with his or her foot poised over the extra brake. The only thing you lack is a big sign across your backside that reads, "Student Attorney." (Though when I went to court I often felt as if I did have such a sign.)

So, even though I have three years of study and two licenses to practice law, I have only four months of practical experience (in divorces and custody disputes, a practice I found depressing and enervating) and those two licenses are in states approximately 500 miles from where I live now. The practice of law as a "fallback" career is not one I should be pursuing for many reasons. If I had not driven in ten years, despite having passed the driving course and possessing a license, I would not attempt it again without serious re-study.

Occasionally, people even ask me if I am thinking about taking the Bar Exam in Maryland. This is even crazier talk, as far as I am concerned. I studied for six days a week for about two months to pass the last time, and I was fresh out of law school, with all the concepts and the vocabulary still roaming at large in my mind. Now I can't even read my own thesis fluently any more. I feel like the legal side of my brain is a neglected chest with rusty hinges, crammed with dusty, moth-eaten concepts. A great deal of reconditioning would be needed to bring any of that into working order again, and some things would have to be replaced outright because the tools I have are too out-of-date or have deteriorated beyond repair.

So no, I will not be "returning" to a practice I never really had to begin with. Besides, practicing law would interfere with my budding career as a Pop Star.

Posted: Friday - May 07, 2004 at 08:37 AM         | |

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