Dream Jobs


Wherein Our Heroine Starts Job-Hunting in Earnest.
Occasionally, some enterprising soul asks "what kind of work are you looking for?" Some will even ask, "what is your dream job?" I used to answer, "Pop Star" as my dream job, but recent events have caused that job to be far less than ideal. I'll have to fall back on "Country Star" for a dream job in the music category.

Because that's the problem, isn't it? So many jobs look so intensely glamorous from the outside: who is to know what kind of a slog or pressure-cooker it is on the inside? But we can all dream, so here are three of my dream jobs by category:

Cosmetics and Beauty: OPI Nail Polish Color Namer. It can probably be heard in any manicurist's shop on any given day - women saying silly things like, "Do you have Maine-iac Mauve?" or "We did Chick Flick Cherry last time, but I think it was too red." In a masterstroke of marketing, the OPI cosmetics company has the absolute goofiest nail polish names on the planet, and yet they also possess a sort of loony poetry. Each season, OPI releases a new collection of colors under a single, central theme (mostly travel-related). Some colors are easier to visualize from the name than others - for instance, their "Greek Isles" collection contains the easy-to-imagine "Aphrodite's Pink Nightie" and my personal favorite "Oedipus Redipus." Less easy to figure are "To Eros is Human" and "Calling all Goddesses." The names are probably picked by committee, but in my fantasy I would get the joy of defining the categories and the names, with the extra added bonus of being able to get manicures and listen to the giggles caused by my invention.

Radio: Foley artist. Foley artists add sound effects - they work in movies too (think the squishy "guts" sound in most horror movies - I understand it's created by eviscerating squashes and pumpkins), but I would love to work in radio where the sound really makes the scene - without visuals, you've really got to be good. As far as I know, there is only one foley guy working in radio today and that is Tom Keith of A Prairie Home Companion. He gets to do character voices as well - does this guy's fun never stop? Tom, need an apprentice?

Television and Film: Muppeteer. I envision a new star in the muppet firmament: a blue furry alien with green, feathery fronds and a long, bent snout. Sort of like a cross between Gonzo and the Yip-Yips. She would have a high, scratchy voice and think she is a dog, much to the consternation of Rowlf, of whom she would be enamored. In a crazy, love-triangle-like twist, Beaker would harbor a secret crush on her.

Or I would settle for animating an anonymous chicken.
Posted: Saturday - February 28, 2004 at 07:19 AM         | |

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