Strange Jobs I have Had


The First in a Possible Series.
When I was a much younger Heroine, I worked two Octobers at the Minneapolis Haunted Hayride. These are the lengths I would go to to earn money for Christmas presents: the first year, I spent long, cold nights hopping around in a rubber mask every time a tractor-driven haywagon went past. I had the company of Alicia and Jenn during those frigid evenings, and we learned some surprising things about ourselves and one another. I can still say "I am very cold - especially my nose," in Spanish thanks to Alicia (NB: for some reason, "Tengo mucho frio - especiamente mi nares," must be said in a baby Peter Lorre voice. Do not ask me - ask 'Lis. She makes the rules, I just abide by them). We also learned that we could generally get through an entire rendition of "I Will Survive" in the time between wagons (between the three of us we knew all of the words too - and speaking of that song, it's been a while since this has made the rounds - go have yourself a larf on me).

The second year I worked the Hayride, I was a "scout" or tour guide. I learned much then, too. I learned that when you stand for hours on a swaying wagon every night for a month, the jeans that just fit when you started the month will be loose with longjohns worn underneath by the end of the month (it's the Hayride exercise plan - I should patent it). I learned that my tractor-driver was my best ally. And I learned that drunken, threatening frat boys can be cowed by said driver offering to remove them bodily from the wagon. I also learned that people will be stupid enough to pony up hard cash to go on a ride that celebrates All Hallows Eve and then be affronted because it has occult-ish elements (though rubber masks are probably not part of the usual coven attire).

Life and hayrides - they have one or two things in common: stay away from drunk, scary, or stupid people, cultivate your friends for amusement and protection, and always keep your hands and feet inside the wagon.
Posted: Wednesday - July 06, 2005 at 09:08 AM         | |

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